As long as I can remember I have struggled with feelings of being an outsider and never feeling like I am good enough. I was 12 when my parents divorced and I remember feeling very alone and inadequate among my group of friends. We didn’t have a lot of money when I was growing up so I never got to wear name brand clothing (unless they were hand-me-downs), go on extravagant vacations or had the luxuries that my other friends had. We moved around a lot and I often times felt very embarrassed about where I was living and didn’t want my friends coming over. High school and junior high are rough times for most teenagers and looking back I realize that this is when I became incredibly shy. I think it has to do with all the negative emotions around feeling like an outsider and being worried about what others might think or say about me.
I struggled with this for many years. It was always about not being enough. In my eyes I was never enough no matter what I did.
I beat myself up a lot about this and found myself starting to settle in certain areas of my life instead of fighting what I truly wanted.
When I started practicing yoga, I began to realize that I don’t have to fit anyone’s definition of what is enough. Being enough of anything is something that comes from deep within me. I noticed that these feelings of inadequacy started to disappear as I found myself starting to appreciate and accept who I am. I began to connect to my truth and to the reality that all I can do is be the best version of me that I can be. To get up every morning, be kind to myself and others and to be grateful for the many blessings in my life. To recognize that I don’t have to fit anyone’s ideals of whom I should be. To just be myself. And that truly is enough.
Nothing else matters beyond that.
When I start to stray from this belief and those feelings start to creep back in, I close my eyes, connect to my breath and repeat the mantra “I am enough” until I am able to allow those negative emotions to release their grip from me.
At the end of the day we are all just fighting to survive in this big, bad world and as long as we can extend love and kindness to ourselves and others, we are doing enough and we can find peace in knowing that we are enough.